And She May Dry The Leaves of What Now

Halloween's tomorrow. I wanted to act all childish and have a get-together at my place - to stagger around with a glass of wine and look down at my never-decided-on costume, wondering about where all the years have gone. When these things, these hopes, the decisions, form inside my head, the kind of scripted shows of nothing more than, "ah, we should have done it"s I don't really know why my youth consumes me.

I like to think that maybe Ijust get really excited about my ideas, I stick my head out of windows and choose some slightly inspirational tune, and montage the whole idea, all slow and with edits here and there. But it's coming to seem more likely that I drown myself in how scared and confused I am about everything that I just loose time to plan my moments, and the day comes when its "tomorrow," and I look around and say "no way!"
I'm waiting to get up and go. And I'm getting real good at the waiting aspect of my "get my life together" project. I worry that I enjoy the "will I make it"s. I'm on thin-ice, my friends. And if I can't get it together then I'll decide I don't deserve hoot. And if that happens I will drink myelf into a blurry, low-lit stage, with wine in one hand, and write myself into a bleeding frenzy of destruction with weird inks.
Oak Leaf VINEYARDS California Shiraz is cheap wine but it's settleing very nicely and I'm thinking about my desk in San Francisco. And I'm picturing myself one day - angry, and quiet, gazing at the fog outside the window. I cant wait until then. I'm dramatic, but that keeps me grounded in a way. What can I say? I'm a writer, kids. Wannabe or not. I cannot be false to my roots- my ability to ooze words and wield them like weapons. My grandfather would be proud wouldnt he? I'm even working on the insanity bit. Ah, yes.
I'm being stared down by a new colored glass bottle. GOOD EARTH Banrock Station FINE WINE southern Australian Wine. Suposse to be better by a few dollars.
We WILL see, ladies and gents. We will see.


-Roxy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My,
"Found Something Cool" Snippet:

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint
ownership. (from The Devil's Dictionary)

IMMODEST, adj. Having a strong sense of one's own merit, coupled
with a feeble conception of worth in others.